Caregivers SPEAK OUT!
Bill Duwe (caregiver for his son)
Donna O’Donnell Figurski
Bill Duwe – Caregiver for son, Ray
1. What is your name? (last name optional)
2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country) Email? (optional)
Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, USA firstname.lastname@example.org
3. What is the brain-injury survivor’s relationship to you? How old was the survivor when he/she had the brain injury? What caused your survivor’s brain injury?
I am Ray’s father. He was 34 when he suffered a brain-stem contusion in a motor-vehicle accident.
4. On what date did you begin care for your brain-injury survivor? Were you the main caregiver? Are you now? How old were you when you began care?
Ray was released from the hospital on January 27, 2001. We shared caregiving with his wife until November 2001, when Ray moved to our house. My wife and I have been his main caregivers since November 2001. I was 60 years old.
Bill Duwe and his wife – Caregivers for son, Ray
5. Were you caring for anyone else at that time (e.g., children, parents, etc.)?
No, but my wife’s mother was requiring some assistance. Eventually, we were caring for her and Ray in our home. She passed away in 2007.
6. Were you employed at the time of your survivor’s brain injury? If so, were you able to continue working?
Yes, I was employed. My employer helped by allowing me to work from home a day or two a week. I worked for 2½ more years. Then it seemed better for me to retire.
7. Did you have any help? If so, what kind and for how long?
Absolutely! Currently, I have eighteen volunteers who help with stretching exercises for Ray. I trained these volunteers. We exercise Ray twice a day on a physical therapy table. For seven of those exercise times each week, a volunteer comes to help. Exercise takes about 45 minutes. Some volunteers come once every week; some, twice a month; and some, once every two months – depending on their availability. This does wonders for everyone’s morale – my wife, Ray, the volunteers, and I are all uplifted in spirit.
In addition, I employ a nurse for two hours to bathe, give medicines, help dress, and help exercise Ray twice a week. My wife will have knee-replacement surgery next month, so we will employ this nurse two hours a day, six days a week, during my wife’s recovery. Two of Ray’s children will also come to help us during her recovery.
8.When did your support of the survivor begin (e.g., immediately – in the hospital; when the survivor returned home; etc.)?
We received ten days of family training on the rehab floor of the hospital before they released Ray. They trained us in physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and all daily care. We did most of his care during those ten days.
9.Was your survivor in a coma? If so, what did you do during that time?
Ray was in a deep coma. He did not respond in any way for one month. He partially opened his eyes exactly one month after the injury. We camped in the waiting room day and night. We took turns going home at night for a shower and an occasional night of sleep at home.
10. Did your survivor have rehab? If so, what kind of rehab (i.e., inpatient and/or outpatient and occupational, physical, speech, and/or other)? How long was the rehab? Where were you when your survivor was getting therapy?
Ray received inpatient therapy during the ten days of family training. After he was released from the hospital, we were able to get various periods of outpatient or home-health therapy for a few years. We have always been directly involved in any therapy.
11. What problems or disabilities of your brain-injury survivor required your care, if any?
Ray is a non-verbal quadriplegic. He requires complete 24-hour care. Ray’s ability to communicate is very limited. Frequently he can close his eyes for “Yes.” Sometimes he can shake his head for “No.” Occasionally he can smile, but the heavy doses of seizure medications have dulled his ability to show emotion.
12. How has your life changed since you became a caregiver? Is it better? Is it worse?
There have been significant adjustments to our daily life. We made major accessibility accommodations. We have a wheelchair-van. We built a custom accessible home. I would not say life is better or worse. We learned how to adapt. We travel extensively – road trips and cruises. We are able to do what we want – it just takes extra planning and effort. We enjoy going to church, eating out, etc. Ray goes with us. Many of Ray’s friends have connected with us. Ray’s children are close to Ray and us.
13. What do you miss the most from pre-brain-injury life?
We very much miss the old Ray.
14. What do you enjoy most in post-brain-injury life?
It has provided opportunities to connect with and appreciate Ray’s friends. We enjoy sharing our experiences with other caregivers and friends we make in our travels and with therapy students.
15. What do you like least about brain injury?
The devastation to the survivor and his family
16. Has anything helped you to accept your survivor’s brain injury?
Ray’s demeanor indicates he has accepted his injury. Knowing he accepts it helps us accept it.
17. Has your survivor’s injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?
Our marriage is strong. Unfortunately, Ray’s marriage did not survive. Ray’s children are close to Ray and ready to help when needed. We may be closer to his children than we would have been otherwise.
18. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?
We seldom attend church-class parties in a home because it is difficult, or impossible, to get Ray into most homes. Otherwise, we have an active social life. My wife and I each have social activities we attend individually.
19. What are your plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?
In ten years, I will be 87. I expect to still be taking care of Ray in our home. I may need more help, but who knows? My health is good. I expect Ray, my wife, and I will be traveling.
20. What advice would you offer other caregivers of brain-injury survivors? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?
- Make the effort to find support, and work to keep support.
- Take care of yourself and your life.
- Remember, you know your survivor’s medical history better than any doctor does. Use your knowledge to help the doctor. (For instance, scar tissue in Ray’s lungs may be misinterpreted as pneumonia on an X-ray.)
“We Still Have Him to Love” by Bill Duwe
I have written a book, “We Still Have Him to Love” by Bill Duwe. I wrote it to help other caregivers. It is available on Amazon.com.
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