Caregivers SPEAK OUT! Bob Millsap
Caregivers SPEAK OUT! Bob Millsap
presented
by
Donna O’Donnell Figurski
Bob Millsap – Caregiver
1. What is your name? (last name optional)
Bob Millsap
2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country)
Glendale, Arizona, USA
Email? (optional)
robertemillsap@gmail.com
3. What is the brain-injury survivor’s relationship to you? How old was the survivor when he/she had the brain injury? What caused your survivor’s brain injury?
My wife, Shelly, is the brain-injury survivor. She was 46. It happened because of a freak accident in our home – a bottle of homemade ginger-ale exploded just as Shelly walked by. It broke her nose and bruised her face, but the TBI (traumatic brain injury) symptoms did not become apparent for two weeks.
4. On what date did you begin care for your brain-injury survivor? Were you the main caregiver? Are you now? How old were you when you began care?
I began care on January 17, 2013. I was 45. I was then and am now Shelly’s main caregiver.
5. Were you caring for anyone else at that time (e.g., children, parents, etc.)?
Yes. Our boys were 12 and 18 at the time.
6. Were you employed at the time of your survivor’s brain injury? If so, were you able to continue working?
Yes. I worked many hours. I had an employer who was not very understanding. This was very challenging. It made me re-evaluate things career-wise.
7. Did you have any help? If so, what kind and for how long?
No. We lived at the time in Victor, Idaho (near Jackson Hole, Wyoming). We were in a very rural area. There was no family support near us.
8. When did your support of the survivor begin (e.g., immediately – in the hospital; when the survivor returned home; etc.)?
My support started once my wife’s TBI symptoms became apparent.
9. Was your survivor in a coma? If so, what did you do during that time?
Shelly was unconscious for twenty minutes.
10. Did your survivor have rehab? If so, what kind of rehab (i.e., inpatient and/or outpatient and occupational, physical, speech, and/or other)? How long was the rehab? Where were you when your survivor was getting therapy?
Shelly had to relearn to walk and talk. She worked with a couple of alternative
providers that we will always be thankful for. She continues to do home therapy.
11. What problems or disabilities of your brain-injury survivor required your care, if any?
Shelly has severe PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), so I help any way possible for this. I try to keep daily life as simple and consistent as possible, with constant support and advocacy. I do the driving and I manage her medications.
12. How has your life changed since you became a caregiver? Is it better? Is it worse?
It hurts so much to witness Shelly live this every day. But I am more patient and understanding as a person. I don’t sweat the small things as I used to.
13. What do you miss the most from pre-brain-injury life?
I miss Shelly’s being able to live life without fear.
14. What do you enjoy most in post-brain-injury life?
I like that the deep bond in our immediate family has strengthened.
15. What do you like least about brain injury?
I dislike knowing that Shelly must face challenges every day.
16. Has anything helped you to accept your survivor’s brain injury?
Dealing with this has been made possible by our faith in God, our love for each other, and Shelly’s AMAZING outlook. I never see her feeling sorry for herself. It’s amazing and inspiring.
17. Has your survivor’s injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?
Our relationship is stronger than ever. It has really given us perspective on what is important. Our two boys are very compassionate and understanding. I am very proud of how they handle this.
18. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?
We moved back to Arizona earlier this year, and that has been great for Shelly! It was lonely for her in rural Idaho, even before the accident. Some of her friends have been
GREAT once she got back here. Others … not so much. We try to make
sure to stay out of loud, chaotic, or unpredictable situations. We adjust to our new normal. Shelly’s TBI is truly an invisible injury, so some friends and family understand … some do not.
19. What are your plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?
I would love to see Shelly be able to have a rewarding, peaceful life outside of the home. She is such a kind and helpful person. I always believe there is a way that her experience with TBI and PTSD can greatly help others.
20. What advice would you offer other caregivers of brain-injury survivors? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?
Shelly Millsap – Brain Injury Survivor
Bob Millsap – Caregiver
Take one day at a time. Be patient. Ask questions of the medical and rehab communities. Search for answers. Try not to ask “Why me?” and feel sorry for yourself. Rid yourself of negative situations and negative people. Be flexible and have thick skin. Find support-groups to become involved with.
(Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the interviewee.)
If you would like to be a part of the SPEAK OUT! project, please go to TBI SPEAK OUT! Caregiver Interview Questionnaire for a copy of the questions and the release form.
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My husband and I used to be avid bicyclists all throughout the trail system here in Calgary (in Alberta, Canada). Sometimes we would be out and about for the whole day, putting on as much as 50 km (31 miles). Mostly this was back in ‘83 to ‘88. Then we bought a house. The trail system wasn’t as good in that neighbourhood. As a result, we only went sporadically over the following years.
No matter how great it sounds, we can’t go back. No matter how much we may want to, that bridge has burned. The past has passed for a reason. We need to accept that it is over. We can only take the lessons we’ve learned.
My husband is still in physical therapy, and he recently started occupational therapy again. (He had “graduated” from occupational therapy about a year ago, but his neurologist requested that he do it again.)
It can happen to anyone, anytime, . . . and anywhere.
Three years ago, I had to start loving a new me. It’s still a struggle. But with all the support I have from family and friends, I know it’s possible.
SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty Giant Steps will provide a venue for brain-injury survivors and caregivers to shout out their accomplishments of the week.
Annie Ricketts has it posted (with my permission) on her site, 
This same young man was actually the KEYNOTE speaker at the Brain Injury conference in Ottawa, which is supported by the federal government! So, if you think you cannot achieve, cannot fight, or cannot rise up to be at a higher level than the one on which you are at, you should put on your “big boy” or “big girl” underpants and work hard. You WILL rise up to be at a level higher than the one you are at now. It will not be easy; it will not be fun; but you will improve your life. If you need, I can always “kick your ass” to achieve more, as I did for my son! I am so excited; I am so proud of him! He has worked so hard for so long. My son is my HERO!
who can’t walk or stand and only has the use of his right arm and hand … For consecutive weeks, I have independently showered, and that includes completing all necessary transfers.
which hopefully is helping brain injury survivors, their caregivers, families, and friends.
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It wasn’t until CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) came to the forefront when neuropathologist, Dr. Bennet Omalu discovered the disease in the autopsied brain of 50-year-old Mike Webster, a once-upon-a-time revered Pittsburgh Steeler whose life unexpectedly declined soon after retirement. This left Webster homeless and exhibiting abnormal behaviors. Soon after, the brains of many other deceased NFL players were examined and various degrees of (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) were also found. Dr. Omalu’s discovery began to open eyes of many other scientists and Boston University began a study. 89 of the 93 donated NFL player brains, were found to have CTE, which explained to the families the many bizarre behaviors their loved ones were exhibiting before they died.
Jim wrote his book, “
I am a three-time traumatic brain injury (TBI) survivor (2007, 2010, and 2011). After my first one, I lost everything, including my husband, but I always had my mom. Now nine years post my first TBI, I am remarried to a wonderful man. He loves me, knows and understands my limitations, and treats me like a queen. I have gone back to college, and I am a nationwide certified pharmacy tech. I have real friends and a great life.
Raising Awareness of Traumatic Brain Injury - one view at a time. Thanks for visiting my blog
Surviving Traumatic Brain Injury 
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