Donna O’Donnell Figurski

TBI – Survivors, Caregivers, Family, and Friends

Posts tagged ‘Donna O’Donnell Figurski’

On the Air: Brain Injury Radio Another Fork in the Road . . . . . . Rosemary Rawlins, Author & Caregiver

On the Air: Brain Injury Radio Interview –

Another Fork in the Road

with

Rosemary Rawlins, Author & Caregiver

When I closed down the studio last night after spending 90 minutes talking to Rosemary Rawlins about her life as a caregiver, I popped into my husband’s office. He had listened to the interview on his computer. He smiled and said, “Great interview! I wish it wasn’t over. I could have listened for another hour.” I knew exactly what he meant. I could have talked with Rosemary forever. Our stories, though different, run parallel to each other.

David Figurski 3 weeks before his TBI

Both of our husbands were in the prime of their careers – doing what they loved best in their office/lab and after hours too. Hugh loved to ride his bicycle. David loved to run and exercise. Both Hugh and David exercised to relieve their daily stress. It was that exercise that caused their brain injuries.

Hugh Rawlins – racing

Talking with Rosemary was refreshing. She really KNOWS what I went through, and I REALLY know what she went through. We GET IT!

Anyone who has “lost” a spouse to brain injury will totally understand and completely relate to Rosemary’s and my conversation. Please, go ahead! Eavesdrop on our tête-à-tête. We’d love you to.

Thank you, Rosemary, for sharing your story with me and my listeners on “Another Fork in the Road” on the Brain Injury Radio Network.

Rosemary & Hugh Rawlins – after TBI

Click the link below to listen to caregiver, Rosemary Rawlins (author of “Learning by Accident: A Caregiver’s True Story of Fear, Family, and Hope”), share her story of how she and Hugh pulled the pieces of their lives together.

See you “On the Air!”

Rosemary Rawlins, Author & Caregiver

Click here for a list of all “Another Fork in the Road” shows on the Brain Injury Radio Network.

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On the Air!

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“Another Fork in the Road” . . . Brain Injury Radio Network . . . Rosemary Rawlins: Caregiver & Author

YOU ARE INVITED!

It only takes a split second for lives to change forever. Rosemary and Hugh Rawlins lives were turned upside down when Hugh was struck by a car during an afternoon bike ride. Rosemary was immediately thrust into caregiver mode as Hugh was reduced to helplessness. Rosemary’s book, “Learning by Accident: A Caregiver’s True Story of Fear, Family, and Hope,” details, in an easy-to-read story, how she and Hugh, with their two daughters, picked up the broken pieces of their lives and glued them back together.

Come One! Come ALL!

What: Interview with Rosemary Rawlins, caregiver of her husband, Hugh Rawlins, and Author of “Learning by Accident: A Caregiver’s True Story of Fear, Family, and Hope”

Rosemary & Hugh Rawlins after TBI

Why: Rosemary will talk about how her life and those of her family changed forever and how they are picking up the pieces and rebuilding new lives after TBI.

Where: Brain Injury Radio Network

When: Sunday, January 18th, 2015

Time: 5:00p PT (6:00p MT, 7:00p CT, and 8:00p ET) 90 minute show

How: Click: Brain Injury Radio Network

Call In: 424-243-9540

Call In: 855-473-3711 toll free in USA

Call In: 202-559-7907 free outside US

or SKYPE

Learning by Accident: A Caregiver’s True Story of Fear, Family, and Hope

If you miss the show, but would like to still hear the interview, you can access the archive on On Demand listening. The archived show will be available after the show both on the Brain Injury Radio Network site and on my blog in “On the Air.”

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

(Photos compliments of Rosemary Rawlins.)

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Events Calendar

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SPEAK OUT! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Itty-Bitty GIANT Steps

SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty GIANT Steps

SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty Giant Steps will provide a venue for brain-injury survivors and caregivers to shout out their accomplishments of the week.

If you have an Itty-Bitty Giant Step and you would like to share it, just send an email to me at donnaodonnellfigurski@gmail.com.

If you are on Facebook, you can simply send a Private Message to me. It need only be a sentence or two. I’ll gather the accomplishments and post them with your name on my blog approximately once a week. (If you do not want your last name to be posted, please tell me in your email or Private Message.)

I hope we have millions of Itty-Bitty Giant Steps.

Here are this week’s Itty-Bitty Giant Steps.

Anonymous (survivor)…I have an Itty-Bitty Giant Step for you. My husband and I were traveling on the freeway, so the bathroom stops were infrequent. I had to make a restroom stop really bad, and I was able to hold it for about twenty minutes until we could stop at a Rest Area. It is HUGE for me – a “Huge-er,” HUGE step!

Jimi Cunning (survivor)…I joined some MeetUp groups and a church I really like. It was very hard for me to climb out of my cocoon and get back into socializing in a healthy manner.

Grays Harbor Brain Injury Support Group…Our town is in a real crisis. Flooding and mudslides have taken homes and messed up lives. While hundreds have been displaced, NO lives have been lost. Our brain-injury support-group has pulled together – doing laundry, taking household items, cooking meals, and shopping for our neighbors. Just because we have an injury does not mean that we are not able to help. In this endeavor, our friendships have grown.

Barry Hughes (survivor)…Yay! Hi, Donna!! Yesterday my best friend in life became my girlfriend! This joyous event brought me to the momentous conclusion that my injury is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life!! Finding my dream woman and my life-partner after forty-four years was only made possible because we are both survivors!

Barry Hughes (survivor)…I was thinking that I wish every survivor could know such great joy as mine. It suddenly struck me that I needed to make it my goal and focus in life to create a Facebook friendship and dating group for survivors. It is desperately needed, since so many survivors are in utter despair, as I was until yesterday. I could find no such group, so I created https://www.facebook.com/groups/BrainInjuryConfidential/, so survivors all across the Facebook world can meet in one group and find friendships, relationships, and possibly dates. It will meet our basic human need and end the loneliness almost every survivor experiences when he or she is alone.

Jodi Jizmejian (survivor)…Hi, Donna! Here’s an Itty-Bitty Giant Step: Today I drove. It was just a wee little bit, but I did it! When my husband and I returned from visiting my folks, I asked him to let me drive into the parking lot of where we live. He let me, and then he – yes, he, not me – told me to drive out onto the road, through the parking lot of a nearby mall, and back to “our” parking lot. Boy, do I feel “mature”!

YOU did it!

Congratulations to all contributors!

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Itty-Bitty GIANT Step

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SPEAK OUT! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Guest Blogger: Melissa Cronin Stages of Forgiveness

Stages of Forgiveness

Melissa Cronin

More than eleven years ago, eighty-six-year-old George Russell Weller confused the gas pedal for the brake and sped through the Santa Monica Farmers’ Market. He struck seventy-three pedestrians. Ten people died.

I sustained life-threatening injuries, including a ruptured spleen and multiple fractures. Due to the nature of my traumatic brain injury, it wouldn’t be until three years after the accident when a neuropsychiatrist diagnosed me with a TBI.

During the early days and weeks of my recovery, weighed down by pain and the unthinkable – that others died while I survived – my brain lacked space for anything heady like the notion of forgiveness. Years later, when I possessed enough emotional fortitude to unearth the new articles I had collected about the accident, I decided I needed to find a way to forgive Russell Weller. I’ve been told that forgiveness is overrated, that you don’t have to forgive to heal. While that might very well be true, my want to forgive others for any wrong committed is part of my constitution. So I had to at least make an attempt to forgive Russell Weller. Otherwise, I’d be infected with a case of chronic bitterness and cynicism and worried I’d be contagious. Who wants to hang out with someone with a transmittable illness she has the capacity to heal?

To forgive, one must first assign blame. But, as in Russell Weller’s case, if there is no act of intentional harm, where do you place blame and, therefore, how do you forgive? To add an additional elusive layer, how do you forgive someone you’ve never met? Is it even possible to forgive someone you don’t know? I reached out to Russell Weller’s family years after the accident, but they refused my request to visit him. In 2010 he died.

The following year, I enrolled in an MFA program. During my third semester, still befuddled as to how to forgive Russell Weller, I wrote my critical thesis on the topic: The Face of Forgiveness. I examined how a particular writer, who had sustained life-threatening injuries after a car struck him, navigated the indeterminate nature of forgiveness on the page. Because each circumstance varies, forgiveness cannot be defined in absolute terms. *Since forgiveness is a process, I arrived at the conclusion that it can be charted in stages:

1) Understanding of the accident/incident

2) Transference of anger and other emotions

3) Self-pity

4) Awareness of others’ suffering

5) Avoidance

6) Surrender

Melissa Cronin

These stages don’t necessarily occur sequentially. Like Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ stages of grief – denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance – the stages of forgiveness may overlap, or one may become stuck in a particular stage. For me, I became stuck in one or two and skipped another one or two altogether. It’s also worth noting that the stages of forgiveness may not occur in a defined timeframe.

Stage 1: Understanding of the accident/incident

I dedicated months to reading news articles and investigative reports, parsing out the details of the accident: What Russell Weller was doing in the moments before he sped through the market, his medical history, his driving history, what bystanders witnessed at the scene of the crash. Somehow, I believed by reading those articles I would get to know Russell Weller and, therefore, be able to forgive him, or not. But written words weren’t enough – they seemed static on the page. Even though some articles included his apology – “I’m deeply sorry for any pain that everyone went through” – I could not hear his voice, hear his remorse, anger, or fear. And with all the contradicting statements about Russell Weller’s character and what people saw or didn’t see, I only became more confused. I felt like a pendulum – swaying dizzily between sadness and anger.

Stage 2: Transference of anger

As I read articles about the role the local entities had to play in running the market, any anger I harbored for Russell Weller quickly transferred to city officials who were responsible for ensuring the safety of pedestrians. I wondered why they didn’t have sturdy barriers in place, rather than wooden sawhorses. But, similar to my confusion regarding how to feel about Russell Weller, my feelings and emotions swayed – from judgment to understanding, from contempt to submission.

Stages 3 and 5: Self-pity and Avoidance

I did not become victim to self-pity – perhaps the perpetual warring dialogue in my head thrust self-pity aside. For the same reason, I skipped avoidance.

Stage 4: Awareness of others’ suffering

As I continued my dogged search to find meaning within the chaos, I could not help but be lured into an awareness of others’ suffering. I imagined the physical and emotional pain the other injured pedestrians endured and the rage and anguish that tore into the families of the deceased. I viewed Russell Weller as injured, too – emotionally, mentally, psychically. I imagined Russell Weller’s grief: plagued by nightmares, isolated behind drawn window shades, sallow from regret.

The judge who presided over Russell Weller’s trial said he “lacked remorse” Because he didn’t cry? Why is it that we have a tendency to forgive others only if they exhibit unequivocal remorse: falling to their knees, drooping, sobbing? But a display, or physical showing, of remorse is not necessarily what matters to those harmed. Of course, a sincere apology does not negate the harm done, but sincerely spoken words of remorse are what matter. The quality of the voice matters: is it harsh, tense, creaky?

Melissa Cronin

In 2011, I finally obtained and viewed a copy of the videotape of Russell Weller speaking with police officers soon after the accident. I slid the video into the CD player, inched close to the television screen, so close I felt as if he and I were together in the same room. Though he did not cry, his full-toned voice quivered as he said, “I’m in trouble with my heart and soul.” His voice then quieted to a whisper, as if he were in church mourning over the dead: “God almighty, those poor, poor people.”

That’s when I forgave Russell Weller. That’s when I surrendered – to Russell Weller’s remorse.

*Stages of forgiveness conceived by Melissa Cronin

Melissa is the author of “Invisible Bruise,” published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Recovering from Traumatic Brain Injuries

Melissa also penned the essay, “Silencing the Boom,” which is published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Power of Forgiveness

To learn more about Melissa, please visit her website/blog at Melissa Cronin.

Thank you, Melissa Cronin.

Disclaimer:
Any views and opinions of the Guest Blogger are purely her own.

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

(Photos compliments of Melissa Cronin)

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Guest Bloggers

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Survivors SPEAK OUT! . . . Doris

Survivors SPEAK OUT! . . . . . Doris

Donna O’Donnell Figurski

Doris 1 year after TBI 2007

1. What is your name? (last name optional)

Doris F.

2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country) Email (optional)

Tampa, Florida, USA

3. When did you have your TBI? At what age?

October 31, 2006 Age 46

4. How did your TBI occur?

I was parking my vehicle in the post office parking lot, and I passed out.

5. When did you (or someone) first realize you had a problem?

Post office employees found me unconscious behind the steering wheel.

6. What kind of emergency treatment, if any, did you have?

Doris – 1 day after the craniotomy – 2006

Craniotomy; clipping and coiling of a ruptured brain aneurysm

7. Were you in a coma? If so, how long?

Yes. 5 days

8. Did you do rehab? What kind of rehab (i.e., inpatient or outpatient and occupational and/or physical and/or speech and/or other)? How long were you in rehab?

I did not do rehab, but I saw a neuropsychologist after a few months of recovery.

9. What problems or disabilities, if any, resulted from your TBI (e.g., balance, perception, personality, etc.)?

I am afflicted with anxiety, a severely bad memory, dizziness, and headaches, but I mostly have psychological problems (e.g., balance, perception, personality, etc.).

10. How has your life changed? Is it better? Is it worse?

It’s worse. I lost my job as a veterinary manager; I lost my home; I lost my husband of 26 years (he wanted a divorce); and I lost many friends. My daughter has turned her back on me and does not associate with me – because, according to her, I am “weird” and “boring.”

11. What do you miss the most from your pre-TBI life?

I miss the ability to be productive and to socialize. I miss feeling healthy and strong.

12. What do you enjoy most in your post-TBI life?

I enjoy my pets – it seems like they understand. I feel close to them. I’ve also learned to play the guitar and sing. It brings me great pleasure and a feeling of accomplishment, especially when I practice a new song and it sounds good. (At least my animals think so! LOL.)

13. What do you like least about your TBI?

I hate what my brain injury has done to my life.

14. Has anything helped you to accept your TBI?

My friend, a neuropsychologist, has helped a great deal. He talked to me twice a week for almost a year. I am also grateful to my two long-time girlfriends. They were there through it all and still love me today.

15. Has your injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?

Basically I lost all the people I thought were closest to me.

16. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?

I don’t really feel comfortable socializing. I feel like most people are fake.

17. Who is your main caregiver? Do you understand what it takes to be a caregiver?

I’m my own caregiver. Being a caregiver takes a lot of effort and discipline.

18. What are your future plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?

I would like to be married again. I miss a man in my life. I’ve always enjoyed taking care of him, keeping a lovely home, cooking, and having a close relationship.

19. Are you able to provide a helpful hint that may have taken you a long time to learn, but which you wished you had known earlier? If so, please state what it is to potentially help other TBI survivors with your specific kind of TBI.

I wish it would not have taken years for me to accept my TBI and my altered abilities. I wasted a lot of time being angry and depressed.

20. What advice would you offer to other TBI survivors? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?

My advice to other survivors follows. 1. Take it easy – one step at a time. 2. Don’t disconnect from the world – you are not alone. Find a support group. 3. Do something that you feel passionate about (e.g., helping others, animal activism, crafting, volunteering, performing or visual arts, etc.). 4. Find a fun activity that requires repetition (e.g., learning to play an instrument, knitting, gardening, etc.). This will help in the recovery process and will improve the brain. 5. Be kind to yourself, and be a little selfish. You have survived a major trauma. There is a reason you are still here on this earth. God bless you all!

Thank you, Doris, for taking part in this interview. I hope that your experience will offer some hope, comfort, and inspiration to my readers.

(Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the interviewee.)

If you would like to be a part of the SPEAK OUT! project, please go to TBI Survivor Interview Questionnaire for a copy of the questions and the release form.

(Photos compliments of Doris.)

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Survivors SPEAK OUT!

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SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty GIANT Steps

SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty GIANT Steps

SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty Giant Steps will provide a venue for brain-injury survivors and caregivers to shout out their accomplishments of the week.

If you have an Itty-Bitty Giant Step and you would like to share it, just send an email to me at donnaodonnellfigurski@gmail.com.

I hope we have millions of Itty-Bitty Giant Steps.

Here are this week’s Itty-Bitty Giant Steps.

Sara Catherine Birch (caregiver)…An Itty-Bitty Giant Step this week – hubby is going back to his old job on Thursday. He will try a short shift to see if he could build up his hours slowly and get back his deputy title. Fingers crossed. His boss is keeping his hours low for the first couple of weeks so that his schedule won’t affect our benefits and he won’t have to worry about money.

Sara Catherine Birch (caregiver)…I’m very proud of hubby. I came home from work yesterday to find out how hubby’s looking after both kids (for the first time) went. As I walked in the door, I could hear the washing machine going. He had gotten both kids to bed, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, emptied the tumble-dryer, and put a wash on. Yeah, he definitely deserved the Domino’s pizza I was carrying.

Michelle Lee Bonnenfant (survivor)…Today I went to Walmart with my daughter and husband, despite the setbacks caused by my PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I only panicked once! I got separated and forgot where I was in the store. Thank god, I had my cell phone! Small step, but I’m trying. Any store is bad for me. I can’t believe that I did a big, busy store! Needless to say, I’m exhausted and have a pounding headache. No pain, no gain!

Sidney Chronister (survivor)…I’m feeling super PROUD of myself. Today has been the first time ever (since my TBI four years ago) that I managed to cook all by myself. I even read a recipe all by myself (LOL)! I’m progressing very slowly. Let’s just hope I can do the same thing tomorrow – or in a week. Let’s pray for that. Thank you all once again for all the ENCOURAGING words you give me DAILY (especially in the days of bad weather). May God give us all more strength (He knows we have it), more patience (we NEED IT), and less crazy anger-outbursts. God bless you all, and have a blessed New Year’s. Happy 2015!!!

Ellie K. Payton (caregiver)…Today Claus Nowell, my 20-year-old, 10-months-post son, took his first steps in a walking frame. There were nurses and therapists “acheerin’.”

This is a huge Itty-Bitty Giant Step – one I’ve been waiting for with so much hope.

YOU did it!

Congratulations to all contributors!

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Itty-Bitty GIANT Step

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TBI Tales . . . . It’s OK to Say “OK”

It’s OK to Say “OK”

Barbara Wilson Asby

(presented by Donna O’Donnell Figurski)

Barbara Wilson Asby – TBI Survivor

For the first time in over five years, I finally broke down and reached out to my husband for help today when I was having a seizure.

Why in the world do we have to be so darn strong all of the time?? For those who don’t really know me, I am going through a change right now – my seizures have gotten worse for the past few weeks or so. Today was no different. I don’t know if it was caused by the traveling, the holidays, or the stress of the Redskins versus the Cowboys game (LMAO), but I started having the seizure just after noon.

I began watching the game and started feeling worse – no, not due to the game (LOL). “We” (the ‘skins, that is – LOL) were looking pretty good at this point. I started going downhill quickly, and hubby watched this. He kept asking what to do. There really isn’t anything a spouse can do. I am the type that likes to be alone when these things are happening.

Then I started to feel like I was going to faint. I personally think there is no worse feeling than when your body puts you through this, especially when the feeling stays right there – not making up its mind what to do. I call it a “brown out.” For 30 minutes or so, I fought the brown out.

David Asby – husband of Barbara Wilson Asby

Then I looked at my husband and said, “Now don’t freak out, but I am going to faint. Don’t freak out, OK?”

He came over to me and said, “OK. Baby, is there anything I can do?” OMG, how nice it felt for him to be there with me.

I said, “No. Just don’t freak out! OK? Just don’t freak out!”

Meanwhile, I was the one freaking out because he was there. I normally handle things so much better when no one is around (LOL). Then I just gave in and had my hubby hold me. I was so wiped out – too tired even to cry. He put his arms around me and said, “Breathe, Baby. I am here. Just breathe – calm down.”

So for once, I did breathe. Dang it! Why do people with a TBI have to be so STRONG!!!!!

(Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the author.)

If you have a story to share and would like to be a part of the SPEAK OUT! project, please submit your TBI Tale to me at donnaodonnellfigurski@gmail.com. I will publish as many stories as I can.

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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TBI Tales

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Survivors SPEAK OUT! . . . . . Tracy Johnson

SPEAK OUT! – Tracy Johnson

Donna O’Donnell Figurski

Tracy Johnson
Pre-TBI

1. What is your name? (last name optional)

Tracy Johnson

2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country) Email (optional)

Hogansville, Georgia, USA lacigurl1@gmail.com

3. When did you have your TBI? At what age?

November 18, 1990 Age 20

4. How did your TBI occur?

Motor vehicle accident

5. When did you (or someone) first realize you had a problem?

It was noticed that I had a problem as I was slowly coming out of my coma. From then on, it was noticed daily.

6. What kind of emergency treatment, if any, did you have?

I was life-flighted to the trauma center at Georgia Baptist Medical Hospital, which is now Atlanta Medical Center. The life-flight EMTs (emergency medical technicians) performed a tracheostomy. As they arrived, I was hanging outside the driver’s door having seizures, with lots of blood coming out of my mouth due to a busted spleen and a lacerated liver. At the trauma center, I received 37 pints of blood. Mom stopped asking about me after this because the situation looked grim. I even had docs (twelve of them) telling my mom there was nothing else they could do. They even made her sign some documents to this effect. On top of all the blood loss and trauma, I developed a bleeding stomach ulcer and required a PPI drip (proton-pump inhibitor). I had severely bruised my heart. My brain swelled to where my ears were set two inches deep within the swelling. The steering wheel had broken and jammed my front teeth up into my gums. My top teeth bit through my lower gums, so stitches were required. I had emergency surgery to my legs. I had broken my left hip. Three screws were required. (It healed, but at 23, I had to have a left hip replacement due to the dying of the blood vessel to the femur head.) My left femur was repaired (a rod was put in). It had also ripped through the skin. I had a left pelvic fracture. My left knee was broken in three places and required three screws. My left tibia and fibula were broken, but they’re okay now. My right knee was broken in four places. It was thought it may have been crushed, but an Emory specialist was able to save it. However, right knee arthroscopy a year ago yielded no good results, so I’m waiting for right knee replacement.

7. Were you in a coma? If so, how long?

Yes. I was in a coma for five and a half weeks. I was on a breathing machine for four weeks. My heart stopped at the scene of the accident due to all the trauma my body was already in, but drugs were used to restart it.

8. Did you do rehab? What kind of rehab (i.e., inpatient or outpatient and occupational and/or physical and/or speech and/or other)? How long were you in rehab?

I had rehab as an outpatient because my mother refused to let me go and stay at the Shepherd Center in Atlanta. I can’t remember how long I was at Georgia Baptist’s physical therapy. I know my mother was busy working at the time. This rehabilitation was for my multiple lower broken extremities, pelvis, and left hip. Nobody cared about the injury to my brain, except for me. And, I have just found my fellow sister and brother survivors via the Brain Injury Network. Praise God! 😉

Tracy Johnson – TBI Survivor

9. What problems or disabilities, if any, resulted from your TBI (e.g., balance, perception, personality, etc.)?

I had a problem with all my memory at first, but the doctors said I would remember as my life took place. I had just given birth to my one and only child not even a month before my accident, and I know he belonged to me because this is what my family told me. Today he is 24, and I am 43. Our relationship has always been as “best friends” since my accident. My family often spoke of my deficits and of my inability to raise a child. My memory has greatly improved over the years. I repeated myself continuously, and I still do to this day. My emotions are all out of whack – I feel too happy, too sad, or too mad. I’ve been told by physicians that I am called a cycling bipolar manic depressive. But, I never knew a day of depression until I started being prescribed drugs. My anger goes to extremes. I guess it has something to do with growing up with a violent, alcoholic father and two brothers older than I. Hence, it was suggested that I was suffering from being left behind and of being deprived of parental love. My dad chased us around with shotguns. He beat my mom and brothers. He would point and shoot guns all the time. Oh yeah, I would be noticed and would be told to run and hide. My dad was always damaging things, causing me to have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) along with the PTSD I already had from the auto accident. I also have PTSD from a carjacking and kidnapping/rape back in 2005, due to my being too trusting. Now it leads me not to trust anyone and to be very suspicious. I walk with a limp, due to one hip replacement and worn out right knee. I’m beginning to be aphasic in speech and can’t deliver my thoughts into the proper wording.

10. How has your life changed? Is it better? Is it worse?

I feel my life is better because I was very judgmental. Having this injury occur and being out of this world for that length of time made me realize that the world keeps spinning around and people go on with their lives whether you’re here or not. Jeez, I was naïve. I now know that one’s life and recovery is what that person makes of it – NO ONE else. After the accident, I was, by the grace of God, very compassionate, nonjudgmental, and indeed touched by an Angel.

11. What do you miss the most from your pre-TBI life?

I miss the ability to think cognitively. I miss my memory. I only remember bits and pieces from my early childhood and preteen years. I don’t have much memory of my high school years – I guess because those memories were made so close to my coma days. (I was in high school from ages 16 to 19.) I guess as I’m thinking this through now, my traumatic dysfunctional childhood explains my issues with anger.

12. What do you enjoy most in your post-TBI life?

I like having the ability of not staying angry at someone for long, having the ability to forgive easily, and being able to experience things (always) as though they are the first experiences. Some of the learned knowledge of first experiences can lead to better outcomes, like relationships.

13. What do you like least about your TBI?

I can no longer think cognitively or remember as I did before. Oh, and almost all people have trouble relating. For example, people sometimes say I am making up my injury and symptoms, or I use it as an excuse.

14. Has anything helped you to accept your TBI?

I have been helped by my belief that Jesus Christ died on the cross for me. That is the gift of Grace from my heavenly Father above.

15. Has your injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?

Yes, oh yes! It has caused distrust, dishonesty, and fighting. It has broken some of my most meaningful, close family relations to where I know they still love me, but they feel they have to love me from a distance.

16. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?

I had friends, but they could not cope with such a tragic event happening so close to them, so they are not around anymore. I try to isolate myself now because I am rather paranoid of people and their motives.

17. Who is your main caregiver? Do you understand what it takes to be a caregiver?

My caregiver is my fiancé. I have been engaged for 7 years. Please don’t laugh – I just find it hard to trust anyone after being hurt by people time and time again, including my own mother. I know what is entailed in being the caregiver of someone with Alzheimer’s, as I, just this week, have made arrangements for my dad to go to a nursing home. I cared and assisted him for three years.

18. What are your future plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?

I stopped chemical prescription drug therapy, except for 1200 mg of a medicine for mental seizures until I can become part of protein therapy at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, 53 miles from where I live. I would like to help others. I want to devote my time to helping motivate others by decreasing the negativity in their lives, even if it is just one person. I want to find a way to counsel young folks. I want to transform their lives if their parents feel they are too busy with work or if their parents just didn’t have anyone in their lives to show or explain to them.

To control my emotions, I had to learn, study, and meditate on the Word of God. In doing so, I realized there are no set rules for being a child of God or to be loved by God. We all walk different paths with different hurdles, and all sins are different because of such. Therefore, our Father in Heaven does not judge each of us to the same measure or degree. We are CHILDREN of God, and we are learning each and every day. So, unlike the legal system, we shall not be punished for NOT knowing something.

20. What advice would you offer to other TBI survivors? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?

Be your own unique, strong self – the one who made you a survivor. Do not be too hard on yourself. Take each step in stride knowing Jesus walks right there beside you. Know that family and friends do not intentionally mean to shift blame by calling you names or cutting you down – it’s just their way, however, of dealing with an injury of such scope and magnitude to their loved one. Learn to laugh it off, and if you can’t laugh it off, well then, smile it off. Humor and inner peace are always the best medicine. Sorry, docs. 🙂

Tracy Johnson, Tbi-Survivor

Thank you, Tracy, for taking part in this interview. I hope that your experience will offer some hope, comfort, and inspiration to my readers.

(Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the interviewee.)

If you would like to be a part of the SPEAK OUT! project, please go to TBI Survivor Interview Questionnaire for a copy of the questions and the release form.

(Clip Art compliments of Tracy.)

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Survivors SPEAK OUT!

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SPEAK OUT! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Guest Blogger: Ken Collins . . . . . . 38 Tips for Living With a Brain Injury

SPEAK OUT! Guest Blogger: Ken Collins

(Host on the Brain Injury Radio Network)

offers

38 Tips for Living With a Brain Injury

On December 31^st, I will have lived with a traumatic brain injury for 38 years. I have used several strategies for co-existing with and minimizing the effects of my TBI. I know now that the brain-injury recovery process is ongoing and that there are four major areas to work on during recovery: (1) Getting Organized, (2) Being Responsible, (3) Following Through, and (4) Moving On. I learned a lot over the years, and I want to share my experiences. I have listed 38 tips (one for each year) that could be helpful to you.

1. Regain trust in yourself and in others.

2. Try not to be critical of mistakes you make. In the early years of your recovery, there will be too many of them to count. Learn from these mistakes and move on.

3. Find purpose and meaning in your life again. This will make it easier to get out of bed in the morning. Having a sense of purpose and meaning will give you something to live for and will help you feel worthwhile, help motivate you, and improve your recovery process. You will start feeling better about yourself.

4. Keep stress and anxiety to a minimum every day. Reducing stress and anxiety will increase your self-esteem and make life easier. Stress and anxiety trigger the fight-or-flight response in the mid-brain. You don’t have any control over this response because it is part of the Emotional Nervous System. When the fight-or-flight response is activated, it increases confusion and makes it harder to process information.

5. Regain your self-confidence and self-respect.

6.Be proactive.

7. Stay focused, calm, and relaxed as much as possible. This will make it easier to think, and you become less dependent on others to remind you. Becoming more responsible for yourself will build good habits on your part and will improve your self-esteem and self-confidence in the long run.

8. Get a large calendar. Put it up on your wall and use it. Make sure it’s in a location where you will always see it. An iPad (or clone), a smart phone, or a note pad with a calendar and alarm does the same thing. A calendar will also relieve stress and anxiety by helping you stay on task and not forget.

9. Get a key-holder and put it by your door to put your keys on when you come home. Do this every night so you won’t have to look for your keys in the morning. Starting your day off on the right foot will make your day easier and help to relieve stress and anxiety.

10. Make a “To Do” list to help you stay organized. iPads, iPhones or other smart phones, and note pads work wonders with this. The list will help you and make you feel good about yourself.

11. Making a list before you go shopping will save you money by cutting down on impulse-buying. It will also help you become more responsible and less dependent on others. Being less dependent on others improves your self-esteem.

12. Get lots of rest, and slow down. Many times we try to do too many things at once, and nothing gets done. Sleeping on an issue or concern can be the best way to help you figure it out. Getting enough rest will give you valuable energy to think better and solve difficult situations. Sufficient rest will also relieve stress and anxiety.

13. Set up a routine and stick to it. A routine will make it easier for you to follow through with what you have planned for the day. By doing the same thing every day, you will start building trust in your capabilities again.

14. Eat healthy foods, and get lots of exercise. Doing these things will help you get the blood with its oxygen circulating to your brain.

15. Get a dog and take it for walks. In my case, I have nine dogs, and they take me for a walk every morning and night! They also give me the unconditional love and companionship I need to feel good about myself and be happy.

16. Find ways to relax that aren’t counterproductive to your well-being. Abusing alcohol and drugs to “relax” is counterproductive. Long walks, yoga, and Tai Chi are much better for you and will make processing and problem-solving much easier. Stress and anxiety will be reduced.

17. Be patient.

18. Pay attention and become an active listener. Actively “hearing” what people have to say is more important than passively “listening” to what they say. Watch their body language. When I get distracted, sometimes it is harder to understand what a person is saying. Stay relaxed and focus. Take deep breaths – nothing works better than getting oxygen-filled blood to your brain.

19. Be around positive people and people who care about you. Nothing is more depressing than listening to someone who’s always complaining about his or her life or about what is going wrong in the world. Become active. Don’t just sit around hoping things will get better. Quit talking about a problem, and do something about it instead.

20. Don’t take criticism personally. When people don’t understand things, they criticize them. Constructive criticism can make you a better person in the long run.

21. Keep an open mind. Remember that your family and friends want to help, but sometimes they don’t know how. Many people don’t understand what you are going through, so don’t hold them responsible for this.

22. Stay calm; stay relaxed; take deep breaths; and move on!

23. Be careful of those you hang out with because they will set the stage for how you act. Friends who judge others and criticize you aren’t “friends.”

24. Grudges will only hold you back. They will be like anchors and keep you from being able to move on.

25. Lighten up on yourself, your family, and friends who want to help you.

26. Worry less and smile more.

27. Be content with what you have. Others have it much worse than you.

28. Find ways to stay active and be less isolated. Get out of your head and into the outside world.

29. Don’t give up – embrace adversity. Have adversity give you the resolve it will take to get better and improve your life. This will be up to you and no one else. People will be there to help you, but all of the work will be up to you. Use it or lose it!

30. Take ownership of your recovery. Remove the word “can’t” from your vocabulary.

31. Life is hard for most people. Life after a brain injury will definitely be hard, but not impossible. It will get easier over time – be patient! Make the best of every day and move on.

32. Thinking too much about a problem or issue can cause depression. This will trigger the fight-or-flight response, and you will be like a dog chasing its tail.

33. Be good to yourself.

34. Don’t take life too seriously.

Ken Collins – TBI Survivor Host of Brain Injury Radio Network

35. Don’t let the little things get you down. When you think about them too long, they seem bigger than they really are.

36. Don’t beat yourself up over things you can’t control. This will only increase your stress and anxiety and trigger the fight-or-flight response.

37. Be happy with yourself and don’t try to live up to others’ expectations.

38. Most importantly – don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Be strong. Find hope – because with hope, anything is possible!

Stop by the Brain Injury Radio Network to hear Ken. His show airs every 1st Thursday of each month from 5:00p to 6:30p Pacific Time.

Thank you, Ken Collins.

Disclaimer:
Any views and opinions of the Guest Blogger are purely his/her own.

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Survivors SPEAK OUT! . . . . . William

SPEAK OUT! – William

Donna O’Donnell Figurski

1. What is your name? (last name optional)

William

2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country) Email (optional)

Eastern Tennessee, USA

3. When did you have your ABI? At what age?

Age 43

4. How did your ABI occur?

I was subjected to 334 ppm (parts per million) of carbon monoxide for six days.

5. When did you (or someone) first realize you had a problem?

At 6:00 am on the seventh day, I was found unconscious outside my apartment door.

6. What kind of emergency treatment, if any, did you have?

A hyperbaric chamber was used on three occasions while I was in a coma.

7. Were you in a coma? If so, how long?

I was in a coma 32 days.

8. Did you do rehab? What kind of rehab (i.e., inpatient or outpatient and occupational and/or physical and/or speech and/or other)? How long were you in rehab?

I had physical and speech therapies for two years – first, inpatient; then outpatient.

9. What problems or disabilities, if any, resulted from your ABI (e.g., balance, perception, personality, etc.)?

Pre-injury, I was a retired Marine Colonel on discharge leave. After my injury, I developed a pronounced hyperkinetic motion disorder, with severe spasticity, a short-term memory disorder, and slow-awakening problems. I cannot walk, type, write, or do anything requiring either fine-motor control or large muscle use.

10. How has your life changed? Is it better? Is it worse?

I went from an active Marine to an inactive thinker. From one perspective, my life got significantly worse – about the worst it could. In another perspective, it became rather better. I have a better logical process; I am more understanding of others; and I have the dubious privilege to be unable to use any pharmaceutical drug. To combat this odd aspect of my disability, I studied to be an herbalist, and I live quite well. I cannot have many food chemicals, so I eat better too.

11. What do you miss the most from your pre-ABI life?

I miss being a Marine Corps Colonel.

What do you enjoy most in your post-ABI life?

12. I enjoy knowing how to help people who cannot yet cope with their disability. I help anyone who asks.

13. What do you like least about your ABI?

My brain injury turned me into a burden on everyone in my circle. I can do very little. Whenever I try to use my muscles, hyperkinesia starts up, followed by severe spasticity. It makes doing most things impossible.

14. Has anything helped you to accept your ABI?

I eventually realized that this was what I had left in my life. I could either mope about lost opportunity, or I could grasp any opportunity that came my way. I chose the latter – I cannot change anything, so I willingly accept it.

15. Has your injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?

My life has been affected in every conceivable way. Everything is different. Relationships are far harder – people do not wish to know the twitching cripple in the fancy wheelchair. Physical relationships are completely different – I cannot be an active partner, so I must be passive. It takes a special person to be able to cope with that.

16. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?

Able-bodied people do not like to see severely disabled people. It embarrasses them. This makes socializing rather difficult. People will say “Call me” and give me the wrong number. Or, they will shudder at the thought of seeing me again. In stores, I am apparently invisible.

17. Who is your main caregiver? Do you understand what it takes to be a caregiver?

Caregivers come and go. Some are good; some are perverts; some are thieves. They are necessary, so I lose things, get humiliated, or get assaulted. I have a friend who takes time to look after me once or twice a month. My friend works away and is home infrequently.

18. What are your future plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?

It would be nice to still be breathing. I have lived as I do now for twenty years. I hope to live for longer.

Accept it as it develops. It takes time to reach the level you will live at. Accept that, and it will be easier.

20. What advice would you offer to other brain-injury survivors? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?

It is easy to be angry at the condition you find yourself in. You were not supposed to get disabled in any way, and you probably think that it is horrifically unfair. That is completely true in every case, but it does not help you go on with living. To do that, you have to look at what you have been given, what you still have, and what you can do. Take that inventory slowly and carefully because it is important. When you know what you have to work with and what you can do, don’t try getting anything else. Just accept what you have and adapt to live at that level. When you have done that and you can live calmly at that level, you could try to do more, but not until you are calm with your disability. So many people spend all of their time trying to fight the un-fightable. They are constantly miserable because it does not seem fair. I know it isn’t. I lost nearly everything three months after I retired from the Marines. All my dreams, hopes, and expectations died along with some of my brain. I really do not need to make worse what I have left by being miserable about it. That is foolish. I have to go on living. I had, and still have, no alternative, so I must make the very best of what I have. You will enjoy a better standard of living if you do the same.

Thank you, William, for taking part in this interview. I hope that your experience will offer some hope, comfort, and inspiration to my readers.

(Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the interviewee.)

If you would like to be a part of the SPEAK OUT! project, please go to TBI Survivor Interview Questionnaire for a copy of the questions and the release form.

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Surviving Traumatic Brain Injury

TBI – Survivors, Caregivers, Family, and Friends

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