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Brain Injury Resources . . . . . . Couples and Traumatic Brain Injury

Couples and Traumatic Brain Injury

Not only does the survivor deal with the effects of a TBI, but the caregiver does too. Much of the concern is directed to the survivor. But the trauma has totally changed the life of the caregiver also. The good news is that the love, partner, and “best friend” of the caregiver survived, but the survivor may look different, sound different, and/or act differently. The survivor may not be the same person that the caregiver knew and loved. In fact, the previous relationship may not seem to exist at all with the current version of the survivor. Often the caregiver works tirelessly out of love or in hopes that some part of their close relationship will return.

TBIs can be hard on relationships. Most relationships struggle, and some do not survive. A few psychologists now specialize in relationships affected by TBI. Here is a video of one couple, who, with the help of two psychologists, managed to withstand the storm of a TBI. Dr. Jeffrey Kreutzer and Dr. Emilie Godwin point out that neither the survivor (Hugh) nor the caregiver (Rosemary) is the same person that he and she were before the TBI. Drs. Kreutzer and Godwin emphasize the importance of acceptance of the “new normal,” not only by the survivor, but also by the caregiver. They both must accept that life will not return to the way it was pre-TBI. Dr. Kreutzer advised Rosemary and Hugh to “…grieve for your old life and build a new one.”

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

Comments are welcome.

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Survivors SPEAK OUT! Richard Johnson

SPEAK OUT! – Richard Johnson

Donna O’Donnell Figurski

1. What is your name? (last name optional)

Richard Johnson

2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country) Email (optional)

Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA

3. When did you have your TBI? At what age?

My TBI happened October 2003. I was 53 years old.

4. How did your TBI occur?

While cleaning the gutters on my house, I took a step from the roof onto the ladder. The ladder slipped, and down I went – hitting my head on the cement slab in my driveway.

5. When did you (or someone) first realize you had a problem?

My daughter – 13 years old – saw me fall and ran over. When she saw that I was unconscious and bleeding, she called 9-1-1.

6. What kind of emergency treatment, if any, did you have?

I was admitted into Hennepin County Medical Center (Minneapolis) in the Brain Injury ICU. I was placed into a medically induced coma. I had a craniotomy and a tracheotomy. A feeding tube was put in, and a cast was put on my left arm, as I broke my wrist in the fall.

7. Were you in a coma? If so, how long?

Yes, a medically induced coma for 3½ weeks.

8. Did you do rehab? What kind of rehab (i.e., Inpatient or Outpatient and Occupational, Physical, Speech, Other)? 

After being weaned from my coma, I was fitted with a protective helmet and transferred from HCMC into Bethesda Hospital in St. Paul for my second post-injury month. I began with inpatient cognitive, physical, speech, and occupational therapies. The trach was removed, but not the feeding tube. After Bethesda, I was transferred to Regions Hospital (St. Paul) for my third post-injury month. In Regions Hospital, I continued with inpatient physical, speech, and occupation therapies. The feeding tube and cast were removed. In January 2004, I was released from the hospital, and I went back home. I then began speech and occupational therapies as an outpatient at Courage Kenny Rehabilitation Institute (Golden Valley) until October 2004.

How long were you in rehab?

I had rehab a full year from the date of injury until I was able go back to my “pre-injury” job.

9. What problems or disabilities, if any, resulted from your TBI (e.g., balance, perception, personality, etc.)?

Aphasia is my main problem. Talking is an ongoing issue, and, in my humble opinion, that issue will never go away. Most of the time it’s not a problem, but my aphasia comes and goes. Background noises are problematic – another side effect. It’s really hard (if not impossible) to filter out background noises, especially in “loud” or “busy” situations. I also have minor balance problems, so I’m very careful when walking.

10. How has your life changed? Is it better? Is it worse?

My “new” life is just slower than it was before. It’s not worse – only different. I look carefully at everything that I am going to do. I question if I will need help, and, if so, I make sure to ask for help. Fatigue is a problem. I get tired more easily.

11. What do you miss the most from your pre-TBI life?

I am unable to ride my bike anymore. I don’t think I have the balance to do it, and I refuse to find out. One brain injury is enough for me.

12. What do you enjoy most in your post-TBI life?

I enjoy being a co-facilitator for the Brain Injury Support Group at the rehab institute that I used during my outpatient therapy. I also became a member of the Minnesota Brain Injury Alliance Speaker Bureau.

13. What do you like least about your TBI?

I cannot multitask. It’s way too hard to be focused on the task at hand.

14. Has anything helped you to accept your TBI?

My family has helped me more than anything else. They understand me.

15. Has your injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?

Home life – Not much is different, except I need more help to finish tasks/projects.

Relationships – Old friends are harder to find or meet up with, but I think a lot of that is because their lives haven’t changed.

16. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?

With aphasia, I do not often go to parties or events, especially if they’re loud. It can be almost impossible to filter out background noises, unless I’m with people who understand my limits.

17. Who is your main caregiver? Do you understand what it takes to be a caregiver?

My wife is my main caregiver. I remember what my injury did to my wife and kids. So I just try to make sure their lives are getting better as well.

18. What are your future plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?

My future plan is to retire in 6 years. In 10 years, I hope that my recovery is still going well.

19. Are you able to provide a helpful hint that may have taken you a long time to learn, but which you wished you had known earlier? If so, please state what it is to potentially help other TBI survivors with your specific kind of TBI.

I wish I had known about support groups. Not just for me, but for my family as well. It would have given them (and me) a better understanding of the recovery process. TBI affects the entire family, and a local support group lets us know we are not alone.

20. What advice would you offer to other TBI survivors? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?

Don’t look for a book to tell you what to expect. There is no such thing. You can Google all day long, but there is no easy answer for a traumatic brain injury. But Google will help you find online support groups, where you can post questions or vent issues that you’re fighting with.

Thank you, Richard, for taking part in this interview. I hope that your experience will offer some hope, comfort, and inspiration to my readers.

(Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the interviewee.)

(Photos compliments of Richard.)

If you would like to be a part of the SPEAK OUT! project, please go to TBI Survivor Interview Questionnaire for a copy of the questions and the release form.

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Survivors SPEAK OUT!

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SPEAK OUT! NewsBit . . . . . . . . Portable Concussion Indicator

High-school Football Teams Test Portable Concussion Indicator

There is growing concern about brain injuries arising from concussions, especially in young players. Research has shown that concussions, once thought to be harmless, actually injure the brain. In fact, a concussion is regarded as a form of TBI (mTBI, or mild TBI). (The term “mild” is deceiving because even some mTBIs can be life-threatening or can leave an individual with life-long mental deficits.)

A researcher has developed a scanner that can detect a player’s concussion during a game. It is being tested by four Texas high-school football programs. The scanner looks similar to binoculars, but it compares a possibly concussed player’s eye movements to the player’s normal eye movements taken earlier. (A possible concussion-causing hit is indicated by a microchip-containing sensor in the helmet.) The scanner is hooked up to a computer to quickly analyze the eye-movement data. A coach or trainer can readily determine if the player has experienced a concussion. New guidelines on when to return to play have been adopted by many schools to protect the player from further brain injury and to allow the traumatized brain to heal. (Full story.)

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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SPEAK OUT! NewsBit . . . . . . Scientists Search for Therapies for Brain Injury

Stimulation of Specific Neurons Enhances Recovery

Research at Stanford University examined recovery from stroke in mice, but its significance will affect future therapy for brain injuries in humans. The scientists were the first to use a relatively new technique, called “optogenetics,” for studies of the brain. They engineered mice to make a light-sensitive protein in the motor cortex of the brain. They also implanted an optical fiber so they could use light to stimulate that protein, and therefore those neurons specifically.

Stroke-impaired mice (stroke mice) that were stimulated with light recovered significantly more in tests of coordination, balance, and muscle mass than did stroke mice that were not stimulated. Unlike the only drug currently used for strokes, which works to dissolve a clot and must be given within a few hours of a clot-induced stroke, the neural stimulation was effective even five days after a stroke. There were no side effects from stimulating the brains of healthy mice in the same way.

The scientists also found that stimulated stroke mice showed better weight gain than did unstimulated stroke mice. Also, the brains of stimulated stroke mice showed enhanced blood flow, produced more natural neural growth factors, and made more of a protein that strengthens neural circuits during therapy, when compared to the brains of unstimulated stroke mice.

This research is just beginning. The objective is to identify specific neural circuits that have roles in the recovery of the brain to injury. Once the circuits are known, implants that stimulate specific neurons in humans (as is being done now to control epilepsy) and/or new therapies will enhance recovery from brain injury. (Full story)

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Caregivers SPEAK OUT! . . . . . . . . Kelly Reader

SPEAK OUT! – Kelly Reader

Donna O’Donnell Figurski

1. What is your name? (last name optional)

Kelly Reader

2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country) Email? (optional)

Railton, Tasmania kelly.reader@gmail.com

3. What is the TBI survivor’s relationship to you? How old was the survivor when he/she had the TBI? What caused your survivor’s TBI?

My TBI survivor is my husband, Eric. He was 29 when he has his accident seven months ago on Boxing Day 2013. He was sitting on the back of a trailer, tavelling along a gravel road, when they hit a bump. He fell off – hitting his head.

4. On what date did you begin care for your TBI survivor? Were you the main caregiver? Are you now? How old were you when you began care?

I began my caring role when Eric was released from the hospital on the 6th of February 2014. I was 33, and I was his main caregiver throughout his recovery.

5. Were you caring for anyone else at that time (e.g., children, parents, etc.)?

No. I used to be a full-time caregiver for my mum, but she passed away last May.

6. Were you employed at the time of your survivor’s TBI? If so, were you able to continue working?

I was studying to become a vet nurse when Eric had his accident. Because of the stress, I could not concentrate on my studies and had to ask for a deferment.

7. Did you have any help? If so, what kind and for how long?

Eric has had an Occupational Therapist since he came home, and she has been amazing. She helped us with whatever we needed, and she is still continuing today.

8. When did your support of the survivor begin (e.g., immediately – in hospital, when survivor returned home, etc.)?

As soon as Eric was hurt, he was flown to a hospital four hours away from our hometown. My sister Sally and I spent six weeks at Eric’s bedside every day, until he was released from the hospital. Being away from home for so long was hard.

9. Was your survivor in a coma? If so, what did you do at that time?

Eric was in an induced coma for two days, before they allowed him to wake up. They told me that he might not pull through, so this time was very hard. I stayed by his side hoping he would make it.

10. Did your survivor have rehab? If so, what kind of rehab (i.e., In-patient and/or Out-patient and Occupational, Physical, Speech, and/or Other)? How long was the rehab? Where were you when this was happening?

Eric spent four weeks in a rehab unit at the hospital, where he did physiotherapy and brain activities. When he came home, he went to physiotherapy twice a week. He is now going once a fortnight.

11. What problems or disabilities of your TBI survivor required your care, if any?

When Eric first came home, he required 24-hour supervision because he was not safe to be left alone. He has memory problems, so forgetting to take tablets or turn the stove off was a real problem. He suffered tremors in his hand and legs. Also his balance when walking was not safe.

12. How has your life changed since you became a caregiver? Is it better? Is it worse?

I was a caregiver for my mum since I was 16 years old, so my whole life has revolved around caring for someone I love. If I had to do it all over again, I would. To see how much progress Eric has made since his accident has been so rewarding. To know that I helped him get there makes every heartbreaking moment worth it.

13. What do you miss the most from pre-TBI life?

Eric has always been the strong one in our marriage. When he had his accident, the roles were reversed, and I had to take over doing a lot of the bill management, etc. He was always my protector when things went wrong. After his accident, I didn’t have that anymore. Things are better now. He is becoming that same person again.

14. What do you enjoy most in post-TBI life?

Eric has become sensitive since his accident – something he never showed before. He always had a wall up and wouldn’t let anyone inside. Now, if he watches a sad movie, he will cry. I love this new sensitive side of him, as I feel I can talk to him more. He will let me be a part of his life he never shared before.

15. What do you like least about TBI?

The mood swings are not so bad these days, but in the beginning, they were a nightmare. His moods would change so dramatically it put a real strain on our marriage.

16. Has anything helped you to accept your survivor’s TBI?

When I feel down, I tell myself that he was one of the lucky ones to survive and that I’m lucky to still have him in my life.

17. Has your survivor’s injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?

It put a strain on our marriage because I had to be his caregiver – something he never wanted to happen. I had to be by his side 24/7 for the first four months after he was released from the hospital. That was really hard for him, as he was so used to going to work and having his freedom. Some days he would lash out at me for something that he was in the wrong for, but because of his memory problems, he didn’t remember what he had done.

18. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?

Our social life has changed for the better, as we spend more time with family and friends now because we realise that life is too short to waste.

19. What are your plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?

I would like to have a family – something that we were working on before his accident. I feel it would make our lives complete.

20. What advice would you offer other TBI survivor caregivers? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?

Just be there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on. Don’t take anything they say to you in the heat of the moment to heart, as it’s not what they feel about you. It’s just the frustration coming out.

Thank you, Kelly, for taking part in this interview. I hope that your experience will offer some hope, comfort, and inspiration to my readers.

If you would like to be a part of this project, please go to TBI Caregiver Interview Questionnaire for a copy of the questions and the release form.

(Photo compliments of Kelly.)

Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the interviewee.

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Caregivers SPEAK OUT!

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Brain Injury Resources . . . . . . Music May Optimize the Brain

Music May Optimize the Brain

I found this interesting, short (4 min 45 sec) video on the blog “Beyond Injury,” which is authored by Scott, who was diagnosed with brain cancer. I thought the video should be reposted here for you. It shows how listening to music or – better yet – playing it stimulates several parts of the brain simultaneously, unlike other activities. The video says that musicians’ brains have developed a higher level of functioning, including – but not limited to – problem solving, perceiving emotional cues, expanding fine-motor skills, and enhancing memory. Maybe the stimulation from music will enhance recovery from TBI. But, be aware that there is no hard evidence showing a link between music and recovery from TBI. Neuroscientists do know, however, that music benefits a healthy brain. It is reasonable to expect that an activity that enhances many brain functions should at least be beneficial to TBI survivors with deficits in any of those functions.

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

Comments are welcome.

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SPEAK OUT! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Itty-Bitty GIANT Steps

SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty GIANT Steps

Itty-Bitty GIant Steps for Blog SPEAK OUT! Itty-Bitty Giant Steps will provide a venue for brain-injury survivors and caregivers to shout out their accomplishments of the week.

If you have an Itty-Bitty Giant Step and you would like to share it, just send an email to me at donnaodonnellfigurski@gmail.com. If you are on Facebook, you can simply send a Private Message to me. It need only be a sentence or two. I’ll gather the accomplishments and post them with your name on my blog approximately once a week. (If you do not want your last name to be posted, please tell me in your email or Private Message.)

I hope we have millions of Itty-Bitty Giant Steps.

Here are this week’s Itty-Bitty Giant Steps.

Cheri Richardson Hicks…My Itty-Bitty Giant Step is that I ventured away from outpatient therapy into a new program called Quest. It is a program that gets people back to work and back into the community. I really feel like this is what I need to get me to where I need to be, so it couldn’t have

Melinda’s 100 piece puzzle

Melinda Murphy…Here is one for your Itty-Bitty Giant Steps. I used to be able to do 5000-piece puzzles in 2 or 3 days. I have not done any at all since the accident, until now. Four days, 2 tables, and only 100 pieces – but I did one, and I am thrilled (even if a piece was missing)!

Carmen Gaarder Kumm…Here is my Itty-Bitty Giant Step. I worked 4 1/5 hours today. I took three kids to town (20 minutes away), completed what needed to be done (I only forgot one thing, but my daughter will do that for me in the morning, as she is going anyway), picked up supper (knowing that I wouldn’t have much time once we got home), finished a Facebook page for our church, helped a bit with Vacation Bible School, picked green beans in the garden, and packed for the weekend away. I’m in bed before 10:00, and I don’t feel I overdid it…feeling good actually.

Donna O’Donnell Figurski (caregiver)…This week we have friends from Germany visiting us. They wanted to go to the Grand Canyon, which is about 4 hours from my home – too far for a day trip. Though David would have liked to go, he knew it would be too difficult for him, and he had seen it a few times before. He chose to remain home.

Caboose – haunted by ghost

That’s where my dilemma came in. David is 9+ years out from his TBI and still deals with many issues, including balance deficits, and I have never left him alone at night. Though he is completely

able to stay at home during the day, I always worry about the night. David convinced me he would be just fine, and after much discussion and a ton of angst, I agreed to go with our friends to the canyon. I insisted that David and I be in constant cell-phone contact.

So off we went to Williams, Arizona, where I slept in a little red caboose, which is supposedly haunted. The ghost may or may not have made an appearance. The jury is still out on that one.

But the jury is in on my trip to the Grand Canyon and on David’s staying overnight by himself. He did it! I did it!

WE did it!

Congratulations to all contributors!

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Itty-Bitty GIANT Step

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TBI Tales: Michael Coss Awakes After 6 Months in Coma

Meet Michael Coss

presented by

Donna O’Donnell Figurski

Michael Coss 2006

Michael Coss is the author of The Courage to Come Back: Triumph over TBI – A Story of Hope (2011) and the inspiration behind the creation of the Michael Coss Brain Injury Foundation. The foundation was created to raise money for children in need of financial support to access brain injury treatment. The proceeds from the sale of Michael’s book go directly to help the kids. The book is a moving account of Michael’s journey facing the challenges of traumatic brain injury.

Michael is also the winner of the 2011 Courage to Come Back Award for Physical Rehabilitation (Coastal Health). Michael will tell you that his life was changed forever, and it’s been changed for the good. First though, he will usually tell you that he is the very proud father of twins, Nathan and Danielle, who are now eight years old.

On May 18th, 2006, Michael was driving to Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada, with his former spouse and seven-month-old twins to attend a work function and stay with friends. Catastrophe struck while on the Coquilhalla highway — Michael lost control of the van, and it rolled at least one and a half times.

Miraculously, Michael’s former wife, Ann, and daughter, Danielle, escaped with only minor injuries, but Nathan and Michael were not as fortunate. Nathan spent several weeks at BC Children’s Hospital with head injuries. When the medical services arrived at the scene of the accident, Michael was unresponsive, even though the airbags had deployed and Michael had been restrained by his seatbelt. The Glasgow coma scale (CGS) rating at the scene was 8 out of a possible 15, which indicated a comatose state.

Michael was transported by air to Royal Inlands Hospital in Kamloops, where he was assessed by Neurosurgery. Bilateral ventriculoperitoneal shunts were inserted to relieve the pressure on Michael’s brain from the accumulation of fluid. Later he was transferred to Royal Columbian Hospital to be closer to his family. He remained comatose.

Michael’s injuries were nearly fatal, and despite comprehensive treatment at two hospitals, Michael remained in a coma for six and a half months. Doctors told his family that his chances of recovery were remote. His wife was devastated because she faced the possibility of raising their two babies without a father. Recommendations were made to Michael’s family to look for a long-term-care facility to look after him for the rest of his life.

But they did not know Michael Coss and his family. Michael’s family had researched hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT), the medical use of oxygen at a level higher than atmospheric pressure. The treatments are commonly used in Asia and Europe and are available in Canada. But the treatments are not approved by Health Canada, and, therefore, they are not covered in Canada by medical insurance. The more the family learned, the more they came to believe that these treatments might work for Michael, though the treatments were prohibitively expensive and came with no guarantee.

His friends and co-workers saw a chance to mobilize and make a difference in Michael’s life. Within a few weeks, funds were raised by donations from friends, family, and his former work-colleagues at Molson Coors Canada.

Michael was transferred daily from Royal Columbian Hospital to the Richmond Hyperbaric Health Centre via ambulance. His mother, who accompanied him, would dampen a sponge with water to make him swallow and equalize the pressure within his ears. HBOT worked quickly, and on Christmas Eve of 2006, after half a year in a coma, Michael awoke and uttered his first words.

Only three months out of his coma, Michael learned about Rick Hansen’s Wheels in Motion events to raise funds for research and to improve the quality of life for people with spinal cord injuries. Michael was inspired by Rick Hansen and wanted to be a part of the event. In the midst of his rehabilitation, Michael canvassed his network, and once again they rallied in support. Friends, family members, Molson Coors co-workers, and other corporations raised over $22,000. His team (Team Cosco) not only won the award for the top fundraiser in Canada for Wheels in Motion 2007, but they also set a fundraising record for the entire six-year history of the program.

Through a long, intensive, and grueling rehabilitation, Michael relearned how to talk and eat. He is now relearning how to walk.

Today Michael serves as an inspiration, a motivational speaker, and a catalyst for traumatic brain injury survivors everywhere. He currently resides in a group-home not too far from his family and visits with them several times a week. His long-term goal is to be an able and active participant in his family’s life. Michael is not yet ready to walk to the park hand-in-hand with his children, but at least he is in training for it.

If you have a story to tell, please contact me at donnaodonnellfigurski@gmail.com

(Pictures compliments of Michael.)

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Brain Injury Resources . . . “Invisible” TBIs

What Are the Effects of “Invisible” TBIs?

A traumatic brain injury survivor who has a physical disability deals with a problem that is obvious, but many survivors have brain injuries that are “invisible.” The problem with invisible TBIs is that the brain injuries are not obvious, yet they can cause serious difficulties for the survivors. Life may seem chaotic to a survivor with an invisible brain injury, but those in the “outside world” may think that nothing is wrong. As a result, some survivors face expectations that don’t reflect their reality. This disconnection is generally caused by the public’s lack of understanding about the myriad effects of brain injuries. Here is a site devoted to explaining the possible effects of “invisible” TBIs and what survivors can do to diminish them.

(Clip Art compliments of Bing.)

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Survivors SPEAK OUT! Melinda Murphy

SPEAK OUT! – Melinda Murphy

Donna O’Donnell Figurski

Melinda Murphy with TBI

1. What is your name? (last name optional)

Melinda Murphy

2. Where do you live? (city and/or state and/or country) Email (optional)

Middletown, Ohio, USA

3. When did you have your TBI? At what age?

February 9, 2011 I was 40 years old.

4. How did your TBI occur?

I fell down a flight of steps into a basement.

5. When did you (or someone) first realize you had a problem?

Immediately, although the TBI was not diagnosed for quite some time.

6. What kind of emergency treatment, if any, did you have?

None

7. Were you in a coma? If so, how long?

8. Did you do rehab? What kind of rehab (i.e., In-patient or Out-patient and Occupational, Physical, Speech, Other)?

I have had all of the above, and I am still in therapy. I have had some fantastic therapists over the years, and I just have to say that they are the key in so many ways. I don’t know where I would be without them.

How long were you in rehab?

They did in-home rehab and therapy with me for about 5 months, if memory serves me. I do not remember most of those first months, though, so I could be lying to ya :).

9. What problems or disabilities, if any, resulted from your TBI?

I have horrible balance. I live with headaches constantly. My vision and hearing have both been affected to the point that I can no longer go out in public on my own because of the amount of stuff coming in, so to speak. I miss my church and independence. I have short-term memory loss. I lost organizational skills and basic life functions, like just being able to make simple decisions. I lost a lot of other skills, like math and English. I have trouble speaking; I lose words before they hit my mouth. Many times my brain gets over-tired and just quits working at all. I can’t explain it. I can’t drive. I could go on, but…LOL.

10. How has your life changed? Is it better? Is it worse?

Both – honestly! No one being truthful would tell you there is nothing that he or she wouldn’t give back. It’s hard, and it stinks a big chunk of the time. Learning to live again and differently is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I didn’t live the easiest life, so…. Learning how strong I am, though, and learning to receive (which is not something I was used to and I think not many of us are used to) is a tremendous thing. Learning of people and the spirit and nature of them – that is a very rich gift I have been given through this. Learning to be okay with not being okay – that is again a huge thing that has bettered my life. So, I think that – as sad as it is at times and as hard as it is (and it is) – it is also a blessing.

11. What do you miss the most from your pre-TBI life?

Almost everything – I miss being able to drive; I miss my independence; I miss hot meals because most days I cannot cook for fear I will forget to turn off the oven; I miss my job and clients; I miss my social life; I miss being able to keep my house clean (balance issues keep me from up and down and forward and back motions); I MISS MY CHURCH!

12. What do you enjoy most in your post-TBI life?

I enjoy the quiet. Everything is quiet in my world now, out of necessity. It’s very nice. Quiet is better than you think it is – I had forgotten how nice. I think most of us have. I like things that I have learned from having a TBI and the people whom I have met because of it. I like the growth that I see in me because of my TBI.

13. What do you like least about your TBI?

Almost everything

Melinda Murphy – after fall

14. Has anything helped you to accept your TBI?

Time, only time. People can tell you what they want, and they can try and say anything, but until your brain is ready, well hang it up. It’s been three and a half years, and I have just accepted it this year. When you are ready, it will happen. I will say this about acceptance. People say that once you accept it, you will be fine and everything will be easier. In the end, that is correct and true, but let me tell you, acceptance itself is hard. It is the toughest thing in the world to acknowledge that you – the person you are now – are broken and that that is okay. Getting there and getting through it takes time and patience from yourself and your caregiver.

15. Has your injury affected your home life and relationships and, if so, how?

Yes. I touched on my home life earlier – it is difficult to live with a TBI. Memory, balance, and sensory issues affect me far more than people could know, and my home very often suffers. I often feel like I am a burden on my family and on those relationships. When you are dependent, the structure of the relationship is changed.

16. Has your social life been altered or changed and, if so, how?

Yes. All of my relationships changed – I am dependent now. That is a hard place to be. It stands in the way of traditional friendships. (At least, it feels that way on this end.) When you need, people tend to view you differently. We all have those friends, don’t we? I had them before my accident and still do, but those friends were different from all my other friends and from my social circle. I can’t complain now because I used to do it. I was no more aware of doing it then than are so many who are unaware of my situation now. I can say that I am blessed beyond measure to have a handful that do not fit into that mold and are there for me. God is good all the time because without them I would be in a home.

17. Who is your main caregiver? Do you understand what it takes to be a caregiver?

I am. I live alone and do the very best I can. I had to move in with my family just after the accident because of seizures and not being able to even stand up or sit down on my own. I was 100%-dependent then, but I moved back on my own as soon as I was able.

18. What are your future plans? What do you expect/hope to be doing ten years from now?

I would love to be fully functional. By that, I mean holding a job (any job) – just feeling productive and serving – and doing things more independently. (I have a servant’s heart and desire nothing more than to be helping others in any way the good Lord leads.)

It took me forever and a day to accept that, and, frankly, I am still getting there. I know those words probably mean no more than anyone else’s, but I pray they touch someone. I always had a perfect picture of what healthy looked like in my mind, and I was working so hard to get there until one day, I realized that I was already there. I don’t need to walk up those steps upright like my neighbor. If I get up all the steps with my tail in the air and bear-crawling like a two-year-old, but I make it to the top, well by Jove, I can climb a flight of stairs – can’t I? It matters not the way you get there, only that you do. The fact that you do is what makes you as healthy and whole as that beefcake next to ya. Find a way.

20. What advice would you offer to other TBI survivors? Do you have any other comments that you would like to add?
My faith has held me so strong from day 1 of this. Without it, I’m not sure I would have survived. My God is greater than my broken brain and all the problems and mess that come with it – make no mistake.

Melinda Murphy

Advice? I am finding that there are tools everywhere for me. Some work and some don’t, but never, ever stop looking. I still find therapies and little things that can greatly improve things in my world all the time. If there is even the slightest bit of hope that something can bring a touch of independence or relief, then you need to jump with both feet. Stop thinking, all you caregivers. Just try, try, try. You never know what will work. The more you get out there into the world of TBI, the more you find. Never stop looking; never stop trying.

Thank you, Melinda, for taking part in this interview. I hope that your experience will offer some hope, comfort, and inspiration to my readers.

(Disclaimer: The views or opinions in this post are solely that of the interviewee.)

(Photos compliments of Melinda.)

If you would like to be a part of the SPEAK OUT! project, please go to TBI Survivor Interview Questionnaire for a copy of the questions and the release form.

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